BUT MERRY MOTHER FUCKING CHRISTMAS ANYWAYS!!!!!

Its holidays like these that remind us of the corporate grip on our way of life. But only pussies, cheap people and dirty hippies complain about that shit. Its not a bad thing to consume, it makes you feel good, it makes the recipients of your gifts feel good and it puts money into the economy. If you don’t want to buy things for your loved ones you can always glue some sticks and rocks together and say it came from the heart… Im going to buy something practical and say the same thing.

People always complain that consumerism is forced down their throats commercially every year and that it forces them to spend and indebt themselves; but if you enough of a tool to let a commercial tell you how to spend your tightly-enforced budget then you deserve a visit from repo-clause. Sure the companies want you to spend and consume but why wouldn’t they? They are selling a product and you have money. It is not as if a representative from Best Buy is standing behind you at the till with a switchblade pressed to your spinal column telling you to hand the preferred method of payment to the cashier and walk away. It is the supplier’s job to make you buy his product and if you spend more money than you have because the pretty sign in the doorway to the shops told you it was a “deal” you do not have enough self control to be allowed credit of any kind. Society corrupts, but it only corrupts the weak. Dont forget to deck the halls with your overdue credit card bills (that’ll stick it to the man). Or maybe you can just use them to kindle your yule log fire.

I personally love christmas… but then again I have no innate tendency to bitch like a dirty hippy.

And in the spirit of giving I offer you a yule log fire video with a christmas song by some guy singing in dutch. Enjoy!

Love is like cocaine.

The effects are amazing, when you’re high on it you feel like you can take on the world.

When you dont have any, the withdrawls are brutal and you’ll likely want to die. This of course is proportionate to how good it was.

If youve ever been high on it you’ll understand why people go to such horrific lengths to obtain more.

You will hurt your self in the process but the feeling is so incredible that every second of pain is worth every second of success.

Of course love and cocaine differ in that being addicted to love is not a really terrible thing and noone will put you into rehab for wanting to get some.

Unless your a sex addict.

But love isnt just sex, you can have one without the other.

It is merely a bonus.

And I have now joined their ranks.

You may commence the fun-making.

Poor Judgement
On the way to court
One Monday long ago
I stopped to look
At a woman
I stared too long
Missed the hearing
Was arrested
Sexual harrasment
They tried me for
I do have a problem
In jail now
If only I had gone
I died alone.
This was written by me in Ela class about two weeks ago, we were tasked with writing a new poem using the same rhyme scheme and syllables as the original poem, the original poem was called “On the way to school”.

#5 Have a mile-long face book profile.

Everybody loves Facebook right? Well not the people who are having their personal information sold to pedophiles by the creators but that is very besides the point. As social networking sites go, Facebook is among the most popular and for good reason because it really is not a bad site. Or at least that was the case until Facebook was mercilessly attacked by hordes of dvd-rewinder useless applications. Not only do the poor denizens of this site have to fight off constant invitations to each and every one of these shitty applications every day; but they have to put up with their friends and family stupid enough to give into these constant temptations and end up with a Facebook page it takes a literal minute and a half just to scroll to the bottom of. No picture could be provided because the sample page was so long it was just too much of a bitch to screen cap. Instead, I offer you Tetris.

#4 Wear a Blue-Tooth headset with sunglasses.

This is a good one because, at least in the last few years, these morons have run rampant. If you have never actually seen one of these people, it is very unlikely, but I will break it down for you: This man (usually a white man at any rate.) will be wearing his Blue Tooth wireless headset for his cell phone, this man will quite possibly have a suit on, this man will likely be wearing product in his hair and it gets really bad when the guy throws on his Ferrari sunglasses just to punctuate his ensemble of faggotry. You are likely to observe one of these people to be constantly talking on the bloody thing, almost as if they call people just so that they can use it. Even while paying for something in line at a store these people will just keep chattering away like there is no one else even in the store. It seems that all these wonderful folks are the ones who range around 30-40 years old and have high paying jobs at offices downtown and unfaithful wives back at their white picket fence suburban home with their 2.3 meth-addicted children. Finally, the thing about these dammnable headsets is that we know these are the people who get into their SUV’s and Buick’s continuing to talk as though they can manage to do that and drive at the same time… well you see this is why we have car accidents. So in this way they look like douche bags and often like dead bodies.

#3 Own an N-gage.

I do not believe that I have to really explain the N-gage past telling you that it is Nokia’s piece of shit “Gaming-phone”. Yes, that’s right ladies and gentlemen this thing is the penultimate waste of money. Seriously, who wants to play a series of terrible 16-bit examples of failed ports on a tiny low-res screen with the buttons on a cell phone while “on the go”. Selling only 2 million units of the predicted 6 million units in a span of three years it seems the usually moronic public caught on to this epic fail of a money grab… well not as well as they should have because those buggers still sold 2 million of these fucking things. If you do break down and buy one of these in a drunken haze or something please don’t get caught with it out in public.

#2 Do exactly what the faggots in this picture are doing.

A picture is worth a thousand words.

#1 Dress, literally, as a tool.

This is not only one of the better Halloween costumes I’ve seen in my life but it is, in essence, the most effective way of looking like a tool, literally and figuratively.

These, of course are not the only ways to look stupid, and humanity is constantly reinventing the old ways of doing it. This collection is merely a few tips and tricks on how to look like a tool, but im sure you’ll find your own ways.

This one isn’t Microsoft’s stupid fault but it’s mine for eating chips while I type.

Hey sticky keys, fuck you.

Welcome to the Exploding Wordpress blog. This blog is really just a chance for me to review games and rant about the frustrations of life and the series of tubes. So if you disliked these first two sentences then stop reading now because it isn’t going to get any better. I suppose that in a best-case scenario you can only expect this blog to contain reviews of games and movies and whatever else deserves a numerical score. You can also expect, of course, me ranting about something that’s really stupid, like people that make blogs just to rant… useless fuckers. Finally I suppose whenever the spirit takes me that I will write one of those bloody “top-ten” countdowns that are always on Digg; because we all know that your content doesn’t mean shit until people tell you it does. On that point I might as well mention that I am fully aware nobody reads my crap and that a blog doesn’t mean anything until one of its articles is on the front page of digg, and even then it’s a tight race for the coveted title of best Internet swill.