#5 Have a mile-long face book profile.

Everybody loves Facebook right? Well not the people who are having their personal information sold to pedophiles by the creators but that is very besides the point. As social networking sites go, Facebook is among the most popular and for good reason because it really is not a bad site. Or at least that was the case until Facebook was mercilessly attacked by hordes of dvd-rewinder useless applications. Not only do the poor denizens of this site have to fight off constant invitations to each and every one of these shitty applications every day; but they have to put up with their friends and family stupid enough to give into these constant temptations and end up with a Facebook page it takes a literal minute and a half just to scroll to the bottom of. No picture could be provided because the sample page was so long it was just too much of a bitch to screen cap. Instead, I offer you Tetris.

#4 Wear a Blue-Tooth headset with sunglasses.

This is a good one because, at least in the last few years, these morons have run rampant. If you have never actually seen one of these people, it is very unlikely, but I will break it down for you: This man (usually a white man at any rate.) will be wearing his Blue Tooth wireless headset for his cell phone, this man will quite possibly have a suit on, this man will likely be wearing product in his hair and it gets really bad when the guy throws on his Ferrari sunglasses just to punctuate his ensemble of faggotry. You are likely to observe one of these people to be constantly talking on the bloody thing, almost as if they call people just so that they can use it. Even while paying for something in line at a store these people will just keep chattering away like there is no one else even in the store. It seems that all these wonderful folks are the ones who range around 30-40 years old and have high paying jobs at offices downtown and unfaithful wives back at their white picket fence suburban home with their 2.3 meth-addicted children. Finally, the thing about these dammnable headsets is that we know these are the people who get into their SUV’s and Buick’s continuing to talk as though they can manage to do that and drive at the same time… well you see this is why we have car accidents. So in this way they look like douche bags and often like dead bodies.

#3 Own an N-gage.

I do not believe that I have to really explain the N-gage past telling you that it is Nokia’s piece of shit “Gaming-phone”. Yes, that’s right ladies and gentlemen this thing is the penultimate waste of money. Seriously, who wants to play a series of terrible 16-bit examples of failed ports on a tiny low-res screen with the buttons on a cell phone while “on the go”. Selling only 2 million units of the predicted 6 million units in a span of three years it seems the usually moronic public caught on to this epic fail of a money grab… well not as well as they should have because those buggers still sold 2 million of these fucking things. If you do break down and buy one of these in a drunken haze or something please don’t get caught with it out in public.

#2 Do exactly what the faggots in this picture are doing.

A picture is worth a thousand words.

#1 Dress, literally, as a tool.

This is not only one of the better Halloween costumes I’ve seen in my life but it is, in essence, the most effective way of looking like a tool, literally and figuratively.

These, of course are not the only ways to look stupid, and humanity is constantly reinventing the old ways of doing it. This collection is merely a few tips and tricks on how to look like a tool, but im sure you’ll find your own ways.